Mirage
by StarlightNights
Summary: I am nothing. I am no one. I am just a mirage... The day that it all began was just like the day before. The sun rose and quickly fell behind the clouds. Then came the rain. People worked, laughed, cried, lived and died. Just like every other day. Almost
1. 1: Send the Rain

**Mirage**

**Chapter 1**

**Send the Rain**

The day that it all began was just like the day before. The sun slowly began its ascension from the Eastern horizon. And as usual, in the small town of Forks, a think blanket of clouds turned the sky grey and showered the land with lavish raindrops. People worked. People laughed. People cried. People lived. And people died. Just like every other day. Almost.

**-Edward-**

The rays of the sun were blocked behind the thick gray clouds but with my advanced eye sight I could see the faint halo surrounding the clouds and knew it was there. I always looked forward to mornings. Nights were so long and boring. I almost missed being able to sleep. I don't remember much of my human life so I really don't know what it was like to be able to spend the nights curled up in my bed allowing my mind to fill with dreams. But when I watch the humans do it, it always looks so peaceful. They look happy and serene. And I wish I could have that back. My moments being peaceful and happy and serene were almost nonexistent. Especially at night.

My family of vegetarian vampires we worked so hard to keep up the appearance of being human. That meant spending the nights looked inside the house with little to do. Well, little to do for me. The rest of the house was filled with couples that liked to spend the nights the same way humans do, in bed together celebrating their love for one another. I was left in a dark and pretty much empty house.

I had spent the night like I did on most nights, at my piano. I was trying to compose a new song but seemed to be lacking the proper motivation. I hadn't been able to write a new song for a while now. And I know my lack of interest in the piano has had Esme worried. Even if she isn't my biological mother, she still worries just as much. So I had decided to help appease her and spent the long nights seated at the piano, my fingers lazily plucking at the keys. Once upon a time it came so easily to me. I could compose a new piece almost every night. But for the past few weeks…months…years… (You being to lose count after awhile) nothing was happening. The music wasn't coming. My mind couldn't do anything more than play the tunes that I had already committed to memory.

So when the sun finally began to rise and my family began to, for lack of a better word, 'wake', I released a heavy sigh. And then it quickly became like every other morning in the Cullen household. We kept a hold onto what was left of our human existence and began the morning ritual as if we would have before we were changed. Without even trying (my gift for hearing thoughts can be both a blessing and a curse) I could tell exactly how the day was beginning for the rest of my family. Carlisle and Esme embraced lovingly as they both prepared for work. Rosalie stared at her reflection in the mirror, reveling in her remarkable beauty. Emmett and Jasper quickly moved into the living room with me and again began playing their video game system again. And lastly, Alice was standing in the middle of her closet (that was close to the size of a small house) admiring her collection of clothes and contemplating on what to wear. And just as her petite fingers reached for a powder blue dress she froze, her eyes glazing over as a vision overcame her. And just as she watched it play out in her mind, so did I. A small girl wandering around a thick patch of woods. The same vision that has been plaguing her all week. "She's coming," the words roughly fumbled from my sister's lips softer than a whisper but it was still able to catch the attention of everyone in the house.

"More like she's here," Rosalie snickered, not moving away from her reflection. "You're a little late, Alice. I can already hear her rustling through the woods."

Emmett and Jasper abandoned their game and moved towards the window, one small stray ray of sunlight filtered through the thick blanket of clouds and illuminated Emmett's pale skin as he scanned through the trees looked for her. "What's taking so long?" he questioned. "Alice has been seeing this for weeks. I want to know what the big deal is."

"It's probably nothing," Jasper said with a sigh. "You know how Alice's visions go. Last week her mind was so focused on the drought in Texas that she missed the best storm of the year so far," He joked, still trying to sound angry.

"And I said I was sorry," Alice defended as she ran down the staircase. "I don't always have control over these things. Sometimes I don't control the visions, they control me. You should know that by now," she pouted. "And I'm so glad that you're still not bitter about it." She made a face at her husband.

"She seems to be in no hurry to meet us," Rose said jumping down the long flight of stairs and gracefully landing on her feet, not a hair on her head out of place. "She is moving at a slow human pace."

"Is she being followed?" Carlisle asked as he joined the gathering group at the window.

Alice shook her head appearing behind everyone. "I would have seen that," she insisted, standing on the tops of her toes to peer out the window and scan through the trees to find the mystery woman.

"I still don't see what the big deal is," Rosalie sighed. "We get visitors all the time." She sat down on the sofa and stared at her freshly painted blood red fingernails.

"She's different," Alice chirped.

"She scared," Jasper added softly.

"Scared?" Esme questioned, finally joining the large group at the window. "What on earth for?"

It was amusing how sometimes my family got wrapped up in so many little trivial things that they forgot to look for the bigger things sometimes. They all depended on Alice's visions so much that they forgot how inaccurate they can be sometimes. I chuckled and everyone turned to face me, finally realizing that I was in the room with them. My fingers nipped casually at the piano keys, trying to find the appropriate music for the current situation. I settled on something soft yet dramatic as I spoke. "She's human," I announced. A heavy silence filled spread throughout the room. My family held their breathing and listened intently for the proof that they needed. First there was the soft falling of raindrops. Then there was the scurrying of small animals in the distance. Next came the gentle whispering of the wind through the trees. Followed by the slow and heavy feet trampling through the think and damp fallen autumn leaves. But lastly, and most importantly, they heard the soft and steady rhythm of a beating human heart.

"That's not possible," Alice whispered, falling from her tiptoes. "I saw it. She was…" she trailed off as another vision took over her mind. "Sometime changed."

"Yes," Rosalie sneered in disgust. "We now have a human wondering around our yard."

Emmett smirked and looked over his shoulder at his family. "I hope no one's hungry."

Rosalie rolled her eyes at her husband. "You're really not that funny." Her attention returned to her perfectly manicured fingernails. "How do we get rid of her?"

We all ignored Rosalie, that was always the easiest thing to do. She was typically a little bitchy at times. But when it came to humans she could be downright nasty. It always made me question how Emmett could put up with her all the time.

"Human?" Alice mused again, her face drawn in a sad pout. "How did I miss it?"

"Even you can be wrong sometimes," I smirked, standing from my piano bench and wrapping my arm around Alice's petite shoulders.

Slowly my family began to lose interest in the mystery woman and scattered. Emmett sat beside Rosalie and offered her an apologetic look. He is so whipped. Jasper started to back away but Alice gripped him tightly. "We should help her," she said quietly. "It's raining. And it's cold. She must be lost. And you said she was scared," Alice tried to reason.

The gentle roaring of approaching thunder sounded through the room. "Help her? How about we forget about her and ready for a ball game?" Rosalie suggested.

"Hell yeah," Emmett chimed in.

"Jasper," Alice softly pleaded with her husband. "Please?"

"Ha," Rosalie snickered. "He looks a bit peckish. He hasn't hunted in over two weeks. I don't think he'll be much of a _help_. Unless you want to kill two birds with one stone," Rosalie shrugged and plastered on a large grin. This isn't going to be good. Rosalie doesn't smile like that very often. "Get rid of her and satiate Jaspers eternal thirst for human blood." She again shrugged when we all glared at her. But that is just Rosalie. She speaks her mind. "What? We all know he's going to slip up again. It's just inevitable. He lacks… the willpower or something."

Jasper inhaled deeply and I felt a wave of anger quickly ripple through me. His mouth was set in a firm line and his black eyes glared at the empty space in front of him. I hate it when Rosalie gets to him. We all suffer because of it. The anger was quickly replaced with a short burst of calm and Jasper offered me an apologetic look. I gave him a small nod in return. We all know what it's like to lose our temper around Rosalie. She just does that to people sometimes.

"It's okay," Alice reassured her husband. "I know it will be." She smiled at him and leaned into him, offering her body for comfort. "We will go hunting tonight," she spoke softly, her mind torn in two. Help her husband? Or help the strange woman outside? She settled on both. "Maybe you can just send her some calming vibes?" she suggested. "I think that would be a big help." Jasper compiled with a quick nod of his head. Now Alice returned her attention back to the girl. "I'm going to help her," she stated affirmatively as her face spread into a very large smile that only Alice could do.

"Why do you always insist on helping them?" Rosalie sneered.

"You were once a human in need of help," Alice reminded Rose bitterly. Alice paused for a moment, hoping that someone would volunteer to help her. I knew I should. And I knew she was expecting me to. I was always the one to go along with her crazy plans. But my legs brought me back to the piano bench and my fingers again began to dance across the keys, trying to find the perfect soundtrack for the moment. Maybe something dark and depressing to go along with the sad and dejected smile that Alice now had. Or perhaps something whimsical and mysterious for the girl outside.

I was ready to stand and go with her as she took a step towards the door. I hate to see my sister look so sad. But Esme beat me to it. She was always trying her best to please everyone else. I often wondered if that was how she made herself happy. Maybe she found her happiness in making others happy. Because that is all she seemed to be capable of doing. It was like her special gift.

"I will help you, dear," Esme spoke, her hand falling to Alice's shoulder in support. Alice's smile broadened as the two women stepped outside slowly being careful to use their human pace. I paid attention to them, listening to the conversation and keeping tabs on their thoughts. I don't know what about the situation had my curiosity peaked but I just couldn't turn away. "What do you see?" Esme asked Alice.

"I'm not sure," Alice spoke softly. "It keeps changing. First, she's a vampire. Next, she's a human. And then it changes again, to something completely different. It won't stop changing long enough for me to focus on anything." And she was right. I focused on her thoughts and felt dizzy and the images quickly flittered through my mind. I quickly tuned them out and again just listened to the conversation. They paused when they were about 500 feet in front of her. "Hello," Alice called. The woman froze but didn't offer a response.

She was close enough that I should be able to hear her thoughts. I tried to focus all my attention on her. But nothing happened. I closed my eyes and tried again. Still nothing.

"Hello," Alice called again taking a few more steps towards her. "Do you need some help?"

I tried to block out Alice and Esme as they continued to call out to her and focus on nothing more than finding her thoughts. I tried to convince myself it was so I could give Alice some answers as to who this woman was and why she looked like a dear caught in headlights. But it was more than that. From the very first vision Alice had of her, she had my attention. She wasn't breathtakingly beautiful at first sight. Her beauty was much more subtle. Her beauty slowly crept up on you until it consumed you. Gentle waves of long brown hair, with just the smallest hint of red. She wore a dirty white tank top and jeans that fitted to her small frame, showing off her petite curves. She had small features that looked well on her. But what stuck with me the most were her eyes. In the first vision they were a deep scarlet. Compared to the soft golden amber of my family hers were red, tainted with the blood of her kills. But I couldn't hate her for that. I was once weak and feasted on the blood of the humans. It's just in our nature. But they looked beautiful against her pale skin and dark hair.

But the last vision Alice had those eyes like rubies turned to something different. A dark brown. They would have been beautiful if it weren't for the empty expression that they held. Her long waves of hair straightened, weighed down by the rain that clung to her. Her body shook and shivered in the cold and I began to pity her. And in this current vision the most disturbing thing was the scars. Most of them would be faint and to human sight. But for a vampire like me, it was very noticeable. Scattered across nearly all the flesh visible were white and pink lines. Some jagged. Some neat and clean. There were even a few fresh wounds, rusty red with dried blood. Nothing fresh, and nothing that should bother my family. The only thing free from scars was her face. Scenarios played out in my mind as to how she obtained those wounds. Did she do it to herself? Was she attacked? Was it an accident?

But from the beginning the image of this girl wondering onto our land intrigued me. I was mystified by her. I wanted to know more about her. I wanted to meet her. Until I had found out she was human. Were Alice's visions out of order? Did the girl's eyes start out vacant and brown as she came upon our land? Did her eyes change because of one of us? Were one of us tempted by her blood? Would one of us take her mortal life and give her this immortal damnation? Or was she supposed to be a vampire to begin with? Was her change interrupted? There were wolves nearby… The possibilities were endless.

I kept close tabs on my families thoughts. If one of them were going to be tempted, I would stop it. I would let this girl keep her innocence. The vampire life isn't nearly as glamorous as Hollywood makes it out to be. I think all of us would trade away our immortality for a second chance at life. And I would make sure that this pretty young girl would never have to know that kind of pain.

It wouldn't be Carlisle. For all the years…centuries that he's been a vampire, I don't think he has even once been tempted by human blood. Rosalie had a strong willpower as well. Along with Esme and even Alice. It was mostly Emmett and Jasper that I had to worry about. Emmett occasionally slipped up. But it was Jasper that struggled the most with our diet of animal blood. But I really can't blame him. He spent decades drinking human blood and was new to the 'vegetarian' diet we kept to. And then there was myself. I wasn't often tempted by the smell of blood. I was able to suppress any urges that did surface. But I did spend years traveling the globe and drinking on the blood of the wicked. I was sort of a vigilante vampire. Trying to keep humans safe by feasting on the blood of criminals. But that was a long time ago. And I had never bitten anyone that didn't deserve it. And I don't think this scared girl was a criminal.

Since I was still coming up empty while trying to read her thoughts. I made my way out the door and hoped that by being able to see her, I would be able to concentrate on her thoughts. I sank into the chair of the wicker patio set and watched the interaction take place. Alice and Esme kept beckoning for the girl and she was still not responding. And I still couldn't hear her thoughts. It was a first for me. I could always hear people. I guess she didn't just have a blank expression. She also had a blank mind.

Another minute passed and Alice and Esme were standing in front of her. I began to tune them out and focus all of my attention on the girl. I forced myself to strain to hear her thoughts. But I still found nothing. I closed my eyes and tried to focus. But still nothing. And as my frustration mounted I decided to give up. I stalked back into the house and forced myself to stop thinking about the situation.

I found myself seated at the piano in a flash, my fingers finally finding some motivation to play. It was a good way to vent my frustration. It was a good way to block out Alice's ever changing visions. It was a great way to block out Rosalie's vain, selfish and downright rude thoughts. I closed my eyes and became lost in the music. I didn't think about it. I just let it happen. I hadn't felt like that in a long while.

I was almost so wrapped up in my composition that I missed the front door open. But nothing could stop what happened next. With that one breath that I took in, my mind switched off all logical thinking and instead became nothing but instinct. Nothing mattered but the source of that smell. That wonderful and delicious smell. A low growl rumbled from deep inside of me that I couldn't control. I took in another deep breath that brought me to my feet quickly. Another breath and my throat burned and ached. One last breath and I pounced, needed to get to that scent. My legs propelled me into the air and I landed right in front of my target. I took the hand in mine and brought it to my face. I needed to allow the scent to fill my lungs and stay there forever. I wanted to bask in it. I wanted to taste it. Venom pooled in my mouth as I raised the hand to both my lips and nose. I inhaled and opened my mouth.

"Edward!" Alice's shouted, still from outside, and pulled me back to reality. "Jazz, stop him before…" she stopped as Emmett and Jasper pined me up against the far wall.

I took a few deep breaths, taking a few moments to calm myself (I'm sure Jasper was helping with that too). I stared at the source of the smell that over powered me. Standing in the doorway was Esme, a look of horror on her face.

In an instant the room again filled. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, giving me harsh questioning glances. I had one too. "Esme?" I growled and questioned at the same time. I know Esme's scent. That was nothing like it.

She quickly regained her composure and raised her hand to her face. "I touched her. I'm sorry," she apologized. As if she had anything to apologize for. I'm the one who nearly attacked her. She was just trying to be helpful as always. "I touched her. Just one hand on her shoulder. There wasn't even any blood," she stammered softly.

There was a long silence. Emmett and Jasper didn't release their strong grips from me. Well, for everyone else it was silent. For me it was a chorus of questions and shouts and laughter all aimed at me via everyone's thoughts. The worst was Carlisle. I have never seen him be so… I can't even describe it… Confused? Disappointed? Disgusted? All the above?

"Alice," Carlisle finally broke the silence, talking just loud enough for her to hear. "Keep the girl far away from the house. Esme, will you help her?" he suggested, just wanted to get the scent away from me again.

"We…she…" Esme stuttered. "I don't know. She needs help. She needs a doctor."

"Is it serious?" he asked. Esme shook her head. "I'll be there as quickly as I can."

"I was wrong," Rosalie said with an impish smile. "This is proving to be very interesting."


	2. 2: If I Walk Away Right Now

**Chapter 2**

**If I Walk Away Right Now**

**-Alice-**

I saw it too late. I could hear the commotion begin inside just as I saw it begin to unfold in my mind. Edward leaping from his piano bench and landing in front of Esme. The bloodlust was evident on his face as he took her hand in his and brought it up to his face. He opened his mouth and showed his venom soaked teeth. "Edward!" I shouted, hoping to pull him out of his frenzy. It only half worked. He paused but just for a moment but I could still see the resolve on his face. I had never seen Edward like this before. He was always composed and rarely tempted by human blood. I know he had his difficulties in the past but he got over that and has been strictly vegetarian for at least 80 years now. I had never had a vision of him hurting anyone. This was not my Edward. "Jazz, stop him before…" but the vision ended. Crisis averted. Edward was himself again.

My visions were both a blessing and a curse. I love being able to see what happens (even if it is slightly inaccurate at times). But sometimes there are things I never wanted to see. The moments where Jasper's willpower would lessen and he would begin to have thoughts of straying from our vegetarian diet were always hard. And the visions that were now invading my mind were even worse. All my visions of Jasper straying were simple. The scent of human blood became too tempting for him and he was overcome with the urge to feed. He would struggle for a few minutes first before quickly devouring his prey. But every time I saw it, I knew that all it would take is a little help from me to put him on the right track again. And in the end, every time we stopped Jasper he always regretted his actions (even if he never did act on them). The visions I had of Edward now were very troubling. He fantasized millions of ways to quench his thirst for the mystery girl's blood. I moved into a protective stance in front of her as the visions kept coming.

My visions showed him running out to us and him draining her blood before she would even realize he had walked out the door. And if I stepped in and tried to stop him, we would fight. The others would come out and restrain him. And for the moment the battle would be won but in time he would try again. Because at the end of every single vision that flitted through my mind, her eyes were a deep crimson (or worse, in the case of the one vision in which we were unable to stop him before he drained all of her blood, where her eyes were glazed over in death). And unlike Jasper, the only regret Edward would have would be that her blood was no longer there for him to thrive off of.

I sighed heavily and tried to ignore the visions. For now, Edward was restrained and there was no danger. And right now my biggest concern was for the girl. I returned my attention to her and offered her a warm smile. "Hey, are you alright?" I asked softly, against my better judgement I brought my hands up and cradled her face in them. I gently rubbed her cheeks and she shivered from the coldness of my fingers. It was the first time I had seen her react at all. "I'm sorry," I apologized, pulling my hands away. She still wasn't really acknowledging my presence so I let out another sigh and closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on her future again. And again all I saw were the million and one ways that Edward wanted to kill her. I tuned them out again, releasing a low rumbling growl that I'm sure she wasn't even able to hear. "What's your name?" I asked, already knowing that she wouldn't respond. "Are you hurt?" I kept asking questions, anything that came to mind. Her favorite color? Where she came from? How she got all of those scars? But she just kept staring blankly ahead.

I was becoming bored. Partly because I hated doing things at a human pace. I was not fond of waiting. Or of mystery. And partly because of Jasper's calming effects directed towards me and the girl. I strained to listen to what was unfolding in the house. For the moment it was pretty quiet. I knew there was talking but I couldn't quite make out anything. Have I mentioned just how much I hate a mystery? What was the aftermath of Edward almost attacking Esme? Did I even want to know? What a silly question, of course I did! I love being able to know everything.

I heard the door close behind me quietly and turned to see Esme. She took a few steps towards us then paused. I watched her put her hands out in front of her, palms up and let the rain pool then disappear through her fingers. Then she brought her hands up to her nose and winced. She repeated the process but this time she rubbed her hands together, trying to erase the scent of the girl. It was like Lady Macbeth and her damned spot.

I turned my attention back to the girl and was suddenly hit by a very curious urge. What was it about her that had sent Edward into a frenzy? To me she seemed like a normal human girl. She looked normal enough (once you got past all the scars). And she smelled…delicious. But so did every human I pass. I leaned in closer to her, her heart rate quickened slightly but she didn't flinch as I pressed my nose to her jugular and inhaled. My throat ached and burned with the breath but it wasn't anything unmanageable. She smelled sweet and delicate, with a hint of flowers. Not extraordinary. Nothing to make a trained vegetarian vampire lose control over. I pulled myself away and sighed. La tua cantante. A blood so delicious that you can't resist. A blood so wonderfully appetizing it sang to you. A blood so powerfully palatable it stripped you of your control. I always just thought that was just a myth. I have never experienced it first hand before. And those two women many years (or has it been decades) ago when Emmett had broken down and feed off of them, I thought it was just a lie of convenience. But now I am becoming a believer. It is really the only thing that makes sense. Edward can't resist her, no matter how hard he tries. Her blood will keep calling out to him until he finally has every last drop of it.

I heard muffled sounds from behind me and I turned to look at Esme, still wringing her hands. I knew that if she were able to produce tears, she would be crying right now. "Esme," I called, trying to offer her comfort and sympathy like she would for any of us. She ignored me and sniffed her hands. "Stay right here," I told the girl, knowing that it wouldn't make a difference. She hadn't moved since this whole thing started. Why would she start now? I quickly made my way over to Esme and rested my hands on hers, keeping them still. I looked into her amber eyes as I spoke, "Will all great Neptune's ocean was this blood clean from my hand?" I quoted, hoping she would understand just what I was saying. Sure it wasn't blood she was trying to wash from her hands, but it may as well have been. And just like Lady Macbeth her hands were already clean. It was her guilt that kept her there. Guilt that she had no reason to feel.

"I'm sorry," she apologized.

"You do that far too much," I offered taking her hand and leading her back towards the girl, who was still rooted in the same place. It didn't take a psychic to see that.

"As soon as things are settled inside Carlisle will be here to help with the girl," Esme spoke softly.

"Thank you."

"I shouldn't have gone in," Esme ranted. "It was stupid. I touched her and…"

"No," I stopped her. "Its much better that you did. Can you imagine what would have happened if we took her inside and Edward came face to face with her?"

"Maybe we should just take her to the hospital now. Drop her off outside and they can deal with her," Esme blurted out without a second thought. That wasn't something Esme would normally say. She was always calm and cool and collected. She never wanted to abandon anyone, even a perfect stranger.

But I guess she did have a point. There was no reason to keep her here any longer than necessary especially if she really is Edward's singer. The more distance we can put between them, the better. But before I could open my mouth to speak I was stopped by a very strong vision. It started off hazy. Figures. And blood. And screaming. But slowly it began to focus. The outside shadows were still blurred but my main focus was the mystery girl. Her blood. Her screaming. "No!" I shouted. "It's not safe." Hands tore at her scarred flesh. Teeth sunk into her torn and tattered flesh. Her body writhed in agony before finally slumping and conceding to death.

"Edward?" Esme breathed.

"No," I shook my head and allowed the vision to clear from my memory. "Something worse. It wasn't all clear. Vampire for sure. But it wasn't Edward. It was a group. A pack. Two of them, maybe three, four even. They'll kill her."

"We'll wait for Carlisle." Esme said flatly. We paused for a few minutes before Esme spoke again. "We can't take her inside but we need to get her out of the rain. The poor thing must be freezing. How is the garage?" She asked. I closed my eyes and focused.

"The garage is a wonderful idea." I smiled at Esme. We tried to lead the girl but she refused to move. And since she seemed to be in a catatonic state I didn't think that she would even notice if I picked her up and ran her in there. And of course, I was right. "I'm going to get her some dry clothes."

"Alice, no!" Esme shouted at me. "You can't go inside. You carried her. You're covered in her scent."

I gave Esme a smile and a wink. "It'll be fine. I promise." I opened my mind for another vision, letting the scenario play out. "I have a plan. It should work out splendidly." I didn't look back as I dashed into the house.

My clothes were soaked with rain and the scent of the girl. She really did need a name. I feel horrible just calling her 'girl' all the time. She was so much more to our entire family at this point than just any other 'girl'. I made my way to the living room quickly and stood in the doorway. "You're leaving," I announced softly not moving forward at all.

Edward, who was still being restrained against the wall turned to focus on me. His eyes blackened as took in a deep breath. "It's the only way," he spoke roughly through a clenched jaw.

"Alice, you should probably go," Emmett said, noticing the girl's scent hanging around me.

"Did something happen?" Carlisle questioned. "Is the girl alright?"

"She's fine," I nodded slowly. "And Edward is fine. Aren't you?" I asked him as I stepped closer to him.

His breathing hitched and he struggled under his restraint. "Alice," he whimpered. "Stop." But I kept my slow pace, closing the distance between Edward and myself. With each step I watched him struggle to keep his composure.

There was a short pause before Carlisle spoke, "Edward, it's easy to slip up and make mistakes. Most of us have been there. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You don't need to run away."

"I'll kill her," Edward grunted.

"She'll be gone as soon as you know it…" Carlisle argued.

"No!" Edward interjected. "They'll kill her! Alice, tell them!"

Everyone turned to me with questioning glances. I nodded. "They're out there looking for her. Vampires. If she leaves they'll kill her." I was now right in front of Edward. His focus was on solely on me. He struggled to hold his breath to keep the girl's scent from burning his throat, but he just couldn't seem to resist himself.

Rosalie snorted from her position on the couch. She still looked bored and annoyed. "So let them. We're not keeping her. There's a reason we don't keep pets, Edward. Human or otherwise. If it has a pulse someone will eat it. My money was on Jasper. Maybe even Emmett. I must say, you were a surprise."

"Carlisle," Edward begged ignoring Rosalie. "Please."

"You thought I would kill her?" Emmett questioned his wife and she only shrugged.

"Carlisle, Alice has seen it. She won't be safe out there," Edward continued to implore. His only focus was now on Carlisle.

"We'll protect her," Carlisle insisted.

I smiled and stepped even closer to Edward, he didn't even seem to notice. "It's getting easier isn't it?"

"What?" Edward snapped his attention back to me.

"You're forgetting all about how wonderful she smells. You're getting used to it," I shrugged.

"Ha!" Rosalie laughed. "Let that girl in here and he will tear her apart in one second."

"Rosalie is right," Edward spoke. "I'm still leaving."

I shrugged. "I know. I just know that you'll also be back."

"When she's safe," Edward explained.

"She will be." I focused my attention back to my last vision so he could see exactly what I could. Edward seated at his piano, the mystery girl seated beside him. "I know it. And now you do too."

Edward looked away from me, not wanting to accept the truth of my vision. "You'll keep her safe?"

"I promise." He nodded and the conversation was over. "She's in the garage. So I'll bring your car." Edward again nodded. "I'll come and get you when it's ready."

As I ran up the stairs I could hear Carlisle giving his protest. I ignored the argument and raided Rosalie's closet. She's going to be pissed but she'll get over it. She always does. The girl needed some dry clothes and mine would be too small so Rosalie's would have to do until I could go shopping for her. I made a quick selection and ran out to the garage.

"Edward's leaving. He's going to Alaska for awhile," I told Esme as we undressed the shivering girl.

"No," she protested. "He doesn't have to. Carlisle will figure this out."

"He's going. But he'll be back. It's for the best." We finished dressing the girl in silence. I bagged her wet clothes and held onto them tightly as I made my way to Edward's car. "This will be okay." I reassured Esme before I pulled the car out of the garage. I walked back into the house and smiled at Edward. "It's time," I nodded to Jasper and Emmett and they released him warily. I know they were still worried that Edward would be sent into another frenzy about the scent that still clung to me. But I knew better. He was adjusting. It would just take time.

"Don't forget to call us," Carlisle called after him. Edward nodded and offered a smile as a goodbye before we walked out the door.

"Thank you," he said to me as I walked him to the car.

"Thank me when you come back." I smiled at him.

"Alice…" he began to protest but he stopped after reading my thoughts. "You're visions are wrong all the time."

I shrugged knowing that this time my vision will be right. I've been wrong all day, I'm bound to get this one right. I pulled him into a hug and he quickly stiffened. Her scent was transferring from me to him in that embrace. I knew that it burned his throat but the frenzy never came. He held me a second longer than he should have. He was testing his strength of willpower. And he was passing with flying colors. "You're stronger than you give yourself credit for." I smiled at him as he entered his car. "See you soon, brother." I offered him another peak at my vision. This time he was alone with the girl in our guest bedroom and his lips were on hers. He rolled his eyes and pulled away.

I stood in the driveway watching his car speed away and disappear. I was left to wonder how far he would make it before he realized I left the bag of her wet clothes hidden under the backseat of his car. Then I wondered how long it would take him to figure out that I did it on purpose. I smiled as my question was answered with another vision.


	3. 3: It's Like You Were My Favorite Drug

**Chapter 3**

**It's Like you Were My Favorite Drug**

**-Edward-**

Denali, Alaska; I decided. It was far enough away but not too far. I had friends there to stay with and they would help me out with my problem. Sure, it would have been nice to spend some time alone while I cleared my head. I like to be alone when I need to think. But I couldn't trust myself. I knew that my willpower would be strong enough to get me there. But staying there could be a problem. How long could I go before I stopped thinking about that wonderful scent? Hell, who am I kidding? Would I even be able to forget that wonderful scent? So I will stay with the Denali clan, another group of 'vegetarian' vampires. And they will keep me there. And the girl will be safe.

The girl. The beautiful girl. Not only was her blood intoxicating. Her body was enticing. But I am not going to think about that. I will not think about _her_.

I had barely made it out of Forks before I finally took in another breath. Then I promptly went insane. The smell over powered me once again. Alice! My grip on the wheel had tightened so much, I could feel the material bend and pucker under before finally crumbling to dust. "Shit!" It was enough of a distraction for the moment for me to forget about taking in another breath and basking in all its glory.

I stared at the black flakes littered across my lap then back to the wheel. Two large chunks were missing from the wheel, exactly where my hands should be. I can't have it replaced. That would take too long and I would have to answer far too many questions, none of which I have any good answers for. I could replace it myself, I might not be an auto expert like Rose but I was adept enough for a project like this. But that would take time. And it would take me back into Forks. Back closer to _her_. I called the airport and tried to book a flight. But it seems that Anchorage was suffering some severe weather and all flights were canceled and/or delayed.

It would have to do for now. I was already speeding, a normal for me, but I pushed my foot down on the pedal harder. A little speeding would not do. This occasion called for a lot of speed. A lot of distance. And all the control I could muster to keep myself from taking another breath.

I struggled against my internal monster through the Canadian border before I finally gave in and pulled in another long breath into my lungs. Alice was wrong, the effects of this scent were not wearing off at all. If anything it was just as strong as ever. I fought all of my natural urges as the venom filled my mouth. I focused all of my attention on the road and inhaled again. The burning in my throat became unbearable and I took a sharp turn off the highway, parked my car on an old dirt road, reached under the seat and pulled out the object giving me such distress. A sodden white T-shirt that belonged to _her_. I gripped it tightly and raced from the car being careful to use my human pace until I was completely hidden in the thick blanket of trees.

I knew I should destroy it. Rip it into small pieces and let them dirt away in the wind. No, that wouldn't work. The scent would still travel through the air and keep me in this constant state of bloodlust. Bury it. Deep in the ground. Out of sigh. Out of mind. But I couldn't. I couldn't destroy something that belonged to…I just couldn't get rid of something that smelled so great.

I brought the worn fabric up to my nose and breathed it in. It was like vampire heroine. The world went black and all that existed to me was that simple piece of fabric. It was something so ordinary, a smell that no human could pick up on. A smell that any other vampire would be able to ignore. And I was high off of it. I was beyond bloodlust. The monster raged inside of me. _Go home and take her!_

"No!" I shouted into the blackness that encompassed me. I dropped the shirt to the ground and released my inner animal. I had to run a great distance so that the scent of the shirt wouldn't overbear my senses and I finally picked up on an animal scent. I made quick and easy work of a white tailed deer. It hadn't been that long since I last hunted, that should have been enough to satisfy me. But the monster was still in frenzy. _That won't do. You want her. You need her. Go get her. _

I growled and released the deer carcass. I raced between the trees as fast as I could until I came upon another deer. I gorged myself once more. I was bloated and filled with blood, more than enough. But still the monster screamed. _MORE!_

I got to my feet again and but the thought of another deer sickened me. I was a glutton enough already. A rabbit ran in the distance. Maybe something small would finally silence the monster. I had to choke down the blood. It was repulsive. That time the monster laughed. _Try again._

I ran faster than ever before until I was right back to where I started. I collapsed to the earth. If I were capable of producing tears, I'm sure I would have been crying in sheer frustration. I was satiated, more so than I had ever been. Not knowing what else to do, I again took the fabric in my hands. It had mostly dried in the time it took me to hunt. The monster urged me to indulge my scenes in its sweetness once again. I, of course, indulged. I inhaled so deeply that the fabric tickled my nasal passages. I arched my back as body tensed and relaxed all at the same time. I moaned loudly as the euphoric high hit me once again. I was consumed by raw passion for nothing more than a soiled white T-shirt.

Always a glutton for punishment, I inhaled again. But I noticed something peculiar. After gorging myself on deer, my throat was no longer a burning inferno. The bloodlust was gone. I breathed in again, picturing _her_. The heat was there but in a new location. The bloodlust was gone and replaced by plain and simple lust. Yes, lust, for a God forsaken piece of woven cotton cloth! Bloodlust and lust have never been interlaced like that for me. Bloodlust was a daily battle for every vampire. And I suppose lust was too, considering I was eternally trapped in the body of a 17-year-old boy. But never did I have a reaction quite like that one. The monster begged for another deep breath. My erection throbbed and pressed uncomfortably hard against my jeans. Who gets hard for the faintest scent of a woman on a shirt? Edward, fucking, Cullen. That's who.

I reached to adjust my jeans and allow myself more room for comfort. And not wanting to release my grip on the cloth, it tore in two. One half for each hand. As my hand grazed my length, I twitched at the lightest touch and instinctively inhaled the fabric that was still held tight under my nose. The monster roared. _YES_!

Like the masochist I am, I tried to resist. Try, being the keyword. My resolve was weakening against the monster. I had kept him at bay for so long, I had almost forgotten about him. But now he was back with a vengeance. Not just requesting the blood of humans. He was demanding it. Not just wanting a sexual release. But needing it. And I was beginning to realize that resistance was futile. At least in the presence of _her_ shirt and _her_ scent. So again I succumbed to the monsters desires. I unzipped my jeans and released my erection. My left hand kept it's half of the shirt secured under my nose, while my right hand wrapped it's half around my length.

I inhaled deeply as I stroked my hardened shaft. _Yes_! The monster shouted again as I gave into his demands. I allowed myself to get caught up in the moment. I didn't try to fight it off. I just gave in to my wants and desires. I inhaled the intoxicating scent with every stroke. My hips bucked fervently with every pump of my fist. A primal growl was coming from somewhere deep inside of me. My body thrashed and twisted violently as I welcomed the ecstasy this act was bringing me. It was the first time in decades that I had allowed myself to lose control completely.

Then suddenly _her_ face materialized in my mind. Porcelain skin. Hair blowing wildly in the wind. Seductive brown eyes locked on me. I imagined _her_ petite hand wrapping tightly around my arousal. It was the motion of _her_ hand that caused my hips to rock wildly against the mounting pressure of my imminent release. It was _her_ touch that elicited the feral growls, grunts, moans and hisses from the monster within. It was _her_ soft and delectable flesh that my teeth sunk into as _she_ brought me to my climax. But in reality it was just me rolling around on the cool damp earth biting a soiled piece of fabric.

It was dirty. It was disgusting. It was revolting. And I was more than slightly ashamed at how vicious it was. But I loved every second of it.

I lay on the forest floor panting wildly. I thought my initial reaction to her scent had been intense. But it palled in comparison to what just happened. The monster lusted for her blood, yes. But he lusted for her body even more.

I was mortified. Sure, I am forever a teenage boy and masturbation is a given (even us vampires have those needs). But never have I needed it that much before. And never have I imagined a human girl in the act. A vampire with a human? It just seemed too wrong to do. And I have especially never used a prop like that. But the result was fantastic. Pure euphoria. The high of _her_ scent paired with the most intense orgasm I could imagine was… there isn't even a word that would begin to describe just how amazing it was.

_Just imagine how the real thing would be._

"No," I growled, forcing myself back to reality.

One last breath of _her_ scent and I tossed the worn pieces of cloth to the ground in disgust. I zipped my pants and jumped to my feet. I stared at the soiled fabric. The loathsome fabric. The defiled fabric.

_You can't resist. Go back and get the real thing. You know it's going to happen anyway. Alice has seen it. _Her_ pretty red eyes._

I turned away, leaving the worn shirt on the ground. I had to get away. I needed the distance. The two halves of the shirt only providing proof of that. One half full of my lethal venom. The other with my venomous seed. Neither of which I would make _her_ suffer through.

I dusted myself off and ran back to my car. I thought I would be safe there. I thought I would have a clear head now that my heroin was gone. The shirt was again out of sight and out of mind. But Alice is much more clever than that. Underneath the passengers seat was a very aromatic pair of jeans.

Against my better judgement and because the monster said so, I kept them.

*****

I missed my family. I missed my home. I missed my things. I missed normalcy.

I had been in Denali for three days now. My phone was constantly going off. Carlisle. Esme. Alice. Occasionally the rest of the family would try too. I ignored them all. They would all want to know when I was coming home. And I didn't have an answer for them.

I had checked every message they left for me. They left a good amount of information. _She_ was still with them. Alice had said it was the only way to keep _her_ safe. Carlisle was trying to find a safe location for _her_. Safe from the enemies Alice foresaw and from me as well, I suppose. They all desperately wanted me back. Even Rosalie. She had left me a particularly disturbing message informing me that to get our lives back to normal she was willing to sacrifice the girl's life and put me out of my misery. I hate to say I was at least slightly tempted for a fraction of a second. How wonderful all of our lives would be right now if _she_ had never entered into our lives. But I would never seriously consider it. I sent her a text informing her that if she ever did something that stupid, I would return the favor. And her pretty little face wouldn't be so pretty anymore when I was done with it. She didn't respond but I'm sure she got the message.

Alice kept insisting that it was safe for me to return. That she had seen it. But I knew better. Though I left the shirt somewhere in the Canadian desert I carried around those jeans like a lifeline. I kept waiting for the urges to pass. And in those three days they had only gotten stronger. I fed almost daily. And after fully gorging myself on the blood of a bear or a moose or a wolf I would again find myself with another painful erection. I tried to ignore it. But it would never go away. So when I would finally give in, I would try to take it nice and slow. But nice and slow never cut it. So I would gradually pick up the intensity. And before I knew it I was imagining _her_ hands, _her_ mouth, _her_ body encompassing me. I would again be a raging animal rolling around in the snow brutally pleasuring himself. And it always ended the same. I came violently and the monster was once again suppressed. But he left with a smug satisfaction. I was left with bitter plaguing guilt.

The Denali clan has been more than helpful. They have all offered their support and opened their home to me indefinitely. They didn't ask questions. But they all seemed to know anyway. I'm sure either Alice or Carlisle had called them while I was traveling and gave them some warnings. And for that I was thankful.

I sat on top of a snowdrift and tried to collect my thoughts. That is what this trip is supposed to be about. I watched the giant snowflakes fall all around me and sighed. I was once again wracked with guilt. I had just returned from a hunting trip. Tanya had offered to accompany me (it was always more fun to have a partner, she told me) but I vehemently refused. I usually like the company but in my state I don't think a viewing audience would be appropriate. I was sated, having drained a moose followed by a quick bout of self gratification. I was beginning to realize that this vicious cycle wasn't going to end until I had gotten rid of _her_ scent. I needed to destroy the jeans and wash _her_ from me. But instead of listening to myself, I listened to Alice. She insisted that it would help. Why couldn't I have been strong enough to just let it go?

I heard footsteps behind me. Tanya. She's a sweetheart. She really is. I enjoy her company. But she is trying too hard. All I want is to be left alone and she just won't leave me be.

"Carlisle called for you again," Tanya spoke sitting beside me. She was dressed in a pale pink dress. The snow collected in her strawberry blonde waves and refused to melt. She really was beautiful. Why couldn't my thoughts be consumed with her? "He really misses you. They all do."

"I know," I sighed but didn't offer anything more.

"You are going to have to talk to them eventually."

"I know," I repeated myself in the same monotone voice.

"And you might want to come inside soon. You have about an inch of snow piled on top of your head." She smirked and ran her fingers through my hair, sending snow flying. She sighed and rested her head on her knees and just stared at me. We stayed like that for awhile before she spoke again. "Talk to me?" I ignored her. "Please." I didn't even turn to look at her. "Edward, this kind of behavior….it's not healthy." Tell me about it. She let it go for another few minutes. But again her curiosity got the better of her. "I know about the girl."

That got my attention. I turned to her and waited for her to elaborate. "Carlisle told me. It's nothing to be ashamed of. We all make mistakes. We all get tempted. And you didn't even give in! You have no reason to be punishing yourself!" She couldn't be more wrong. I had every reason to be punishing myself.

"You don't get it," I finally spoke, my voice gravely and harsh. "It's not just a simple temptation. It's…"

"La tua cantante?" She finished for me. "I know what it's like." Her thoughts focused on a dark alley where she pounced on a man with irresistible blood. "If it's anything like that, I don't know how you did it."

I laughed a little. "It was worse."

"Then you really have nothing to be ashamed of. If you could resist that… You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for," she echoed Alice's words to me. But if only she knew what happened after. Her frustration was mounting form her inability to get through to me. I cringed when her thoughts took a new direction. Before I could react she grabbed the jeans from my hands. "This is hers isn't it?" I nodded. She brought it up to her nose and inhaled with ease. There was no frenzy for her. "She smells nice, I guess. But mostly I just smell you on it," she said with a shrug of her shoulders and tossed it back to me.

I lifted the fabric to my nose and was lost in the overpowering scent of _her_. Why do I bother listening to Alice. Clearly, this isn't helping anything at all. If fact, I was pretty sure if I ever ran into _her_ again, I wouldn't hesitate to drink every last drop of _her_.

"Look," Tanya said harshly. "I know we told you to take your time and stay as long as you want but honestly we are getting a little sick of you moping around."

I nodded. "I've overstayed my welcome."

"Not at all," she corrected. "But this isn't where you need to be. You should be at home." I looked to her with a furrowed brow. Did she want me to kill the girl? "You resisted. You ran away. You carry around her clothing as a memento and you still manage to keep a level head. You're ready." She patted my knee before standing. "My sisters have already packed your things in the car. And they replaced your steering wheel. I hope to see you soon, Edward. Send your family my love." She wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly. Then she ran into her house and left me alone.

I could keep running. Find another city to call home for awhile. Or I could go back to Forks and face my fears. Tanya wanted it. Alice wanted it. Carlisle wanted it. Everyone thought I could do it except for myself. Why do they all have such faith in me? I guess there was only one way to find out.

I got back to my car and began the trip home. Things couldn't get too bad with Alice there keeping a watchful eye on me. At least I hoped. Her visions have been a bit off lately. But I pushed back all my doubts. I will go home. And _she_ will be safe. And we will all be happy.

I suppressed the monster as he smiled, finally getting his wish. I was going back to _her_. My beautiful. My Bella.


	4. 4: Swim Until You Can't See Land

**Chapter 4**

**Swim Until You Can't See Land**

-Alice-

I smiled as the vision finished. Finally I was seeing some good news. First all I could see was clouded visions of Edward wanting to turn back to Denali. He could be such a chicken sometimes. Then I could firmly see his return. Then I even saw him turn the car around before he once again changed his mind. And another vision brought me in on his detour in the forest (that was a private moment and I know he would be beyond embarrassed knowing I had seen it so I desperately tried to forget all about it). Then once again he wanted to turn back to Denali. At that point I got frustrated and called to talk some sense into him. And now my latest vision showed him crossing the town line into Forks. And he was having some second thoughts, but I was sure he would get over it. Because I could clearly see him in the doorway in no more than five minutes. I loved being psychic. Even if it is a slightly flawed system.

"What?" Jasper asked, feeling the change to my emotions.

I just winked and ran out of the room. There was a lot to do and little time to do it in. Edward hadn't called to tell us he was coming home. He wanted to keep it a secret, let it be a surprise, keep his option for chickening out open. I knew, of course, but he made me promise that I wouldn't tell. I managed to keep his secret that long and decided it was good enough. The future looked brighter if everyone knew the situation anyway.

"He's coming home!" I shouted, running down the staircase. "Edward, is coming home."

"When?" Esme questioned, a look of relief on her face.

"Now." Everyone stared at me, doubting my vision. "I know it's short notice but he finally made up his mind and he's almost here and we have a lot to do so stop giving me a hard time and help me out," I spoke so fast that even my family of super hearing vampires seemed to be having a hard time understanding my jumble of words.

"Is he… should we… the girl…" Carlisle lowered his voice so she couldn't hear from her position on the sofa.

"It will be okay. He's better. Getting better. But I suppose it will be easier if she's not in the room." I looked at my family for a helping hand with that. I already knew Rose wouldn't do it. She hated the girl for the way she was inconveniencing the family. And Esme had been so careful , trying to keep the girls scent off of her to prevent another fiasco in case Edward would return home. Jasper would be helpful he could calm Edward as soon as he walked through the door. And Carlisle wanted to see Edward. So that left one option and I really hated to leave her alone with him. He could be such a bad influence. But I didn't see any other choice beside leaving her alone and I knew Carlisle wouldn't go for that one just yet. "Emmett," I looked to him with my best pleading eyes. "Please." He nodded a simple response and ushered the girl up the stairs and into the safety of the guestroom.

"Her scent… it's all over," Esme panicked.

"It will be alright," I reassured her. "It's going to be a process. A very slow process," I tried to brace everyone for what was about to come. "He's going to be alright. And she will be alright. I'll keep an eye out for anything." I rushed my words to get them all out before he arrived. "Don't harass him. Don't rush at him. And don't expect much yet. Don't expect anything yet. He's going to need… some personal space and time to…clear his head." It was the best I could come up with on short notice. "Now everyone find something to do. And act surprised when he walks through the door. Oh, and Jasper," I tried to speak softly enough that the words would be only heard by him. "Don't worry about the emotions you'll be getting from Edward. It's…complicated." I shrugged hoping that would be enough of an explanation for now. His questioning look wasn't promising. "I'll explain it later," I offered taking his hand in mine.

My family raced to occupy themselves. It was a messy situation and we were all being very obvious. But hopefully he will be so distracted that he won't notice. And thirty seconds later the familiar hum of the Volvo's engine sounded in the drive. And three full minutes passed before Edward finally found the courage and walked through the door.

"Edward!" Esme gasped, doing a horrible job of being surprised. Even worse, she shouldn't even be acting surprised he had been waiting in the drive giving us plenty of time to become aware of his presence.

We all studied him as he stood in the doorway unable to move. He acted like a stranger entering the home. His body stayed completely still as he sized up his surroundings. His eyes met mine and I offered him a smile a nod and some encouraging thoughts. It's okay, Edward. Do it.

He closed his eyes and took in a small tentative breath. His body immediately tensed but he stayed rooted in place. Edward opened his eyes, happy in his small victory. He inhaled again, this time much deeper. His body shuddered and his eyes darkened. The entire room tensed with his actions, thinking he was struggling against the bloodlust. I knew better. And I'm sure by now that Jasper knew better as well. In fact, I was sure of it by the way that his breathing quickened and his hand was attempting to crush my own.

Edward looked away from us and focused on the floor. "She's here," Edward growled.

"Upstairs with Emmett," Carlisle offered. "In the guestroom."

"It's so good to have you home, son," Esme smiled and started to approach him but he tensed again. She opened her mouth to apologize but Edward growled louder than the first time and quickly stalked out of the room. Same as my vision.

Everyone stood in stunned silence until Edward was out of earshot. "I told you… time and space. He'll be back and he'll be better. I promise." They continued to stare at me warily. "I told you not to expect anything."

Jasper released a heavy breath and quickly walked towards the front door, pulling me behind him. "We need to talk," he demanded. He led me to my car and demanded that I drive.

"What are we doing?" I asked as I turned left, following his directions.

"What the hell was that back there?" he demanded.

This was going to be fun to explain. And I feel like I shouldn't even be explaining it. But Edward will understand. Jasper already knows half the story. And he is my husband after all. I can't keep secrets from him. Edward knows this. But I will do my best to try. "What do you mean?" I asked innocently.

He rolled his eyes at me as his hand settled on my thigh, gently rubbing my leg through the rough material of the jeans. "Why did it feel like I walked into the middle of an orgy when Edward came through the door?"

"How would you know what an orgy feels like?" I tried to divert his questioning.

He ignored me and gave me some more directions and I followed. "Alice," he growled at me. It wasn't his angry growl. It was shut-up-I-need-to-fuck-wife. I can't resist him when he growls like that.

"Oh," I sighed. "That? I tried to warn you about that." I shrugged. Here goes nothing. "You know all about Edwards struggle with her blood. You've already felt that overpowering bloodlust he struggled with before," Jasper nodded and continued to massage my legs. "Well, he's learned to curb his bloodlust with regular hunting trips. So her blood is less appealing to him now…usually. It kind of eases the power the scent of her blood has over him. But once that problem was satisfied it seems that… he has a little bit of trouble with… well, it's not just the scent of her blood… Ugh," I sigh. It's so hard to concentrate with his hands on me. "I think he's developed a little crush on her."

"Crush?" He raised one eyebrow. "He was giving off more lust than Emmett and Rosalie combined on the anniversary they brought the house down around us in Alaska."

"Is it really that bad?" I questioned, following some more directions.

"Alice, it took every ounce of energy I had to not tear your clothes off and fuck you right there in front of everyone."

"Oh," I gasped. In all the years I had been with Jasper, I could probably count all the times he's cursed on one hand. So when he says things like that, I take him very seriously. And the fact that quiet and shy Jasper even considered taking me against a wall in front of the entire family…well, that says even more.

I turned to him and took notice of his blackened eyes and lustful gaze. And when he looks at me with those black eyes and smoldering look, I take that very seriously. I hadn't anticipated for him to react to Edwards's lust. But I'm not going to complain about it. His hands slid between my thighs and tore the material between my legs. His lips lightly brush against my neck, and if I wasn't turned on before, I certainly am now. One finger slips into the whole in my jeans and he gently strokes me.

"Pull over," He demands. I comply pulling into a parking lot. His finger slips out of me and I immediately pout. "Out," he demands, his voice laden with lust. "We'll need the car to get home. Plus, I know how much you like it. And when I'm through with you, there wouldn't be much left of it to salvage."

My eyes lit up from the promises he was making me. In general Jasper and I were the more quiet and gentle lovers. And I didn't have a problem with that. It was nice and subtle compared to Emmett and Rose that seemed to find joy in damaging and destroying properties. But every once in awhile sweet and subtle won't do. Every once in awhile a girl just needs to be sexed good and hard. This was one of those times.

A quick look around to insure that we were alone and he picked me up and ran us off into the woods. I'm not sure when but sometime during the run he managed to completely shred our clothing. Under normal circumstances I would be furious. He knows better than to destroy my precious clothing without permission. He learned the hard way once. But right now I just can't seem to get angry at him. At least not until the sex is over.

He ran us out into the middle of a dense wood. And there I lost my mind. I had no idea of how much time passed. It could have been mere seconds. It could have been days. But all I know is that it felt wonderful. Our usual was to be soft and gentle and quiet, very human. We had never destroyed a house, maybe a small handful of beds (they just don't make them like they used to). And don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean it isn't great sex. Being with Jasper is utterly amazing. We don't need to boast about our exploits. They are personal and they are private (well as private as it can be in a house full of vampires) but that is just the way we like it. We never felt the need to compete with the others in loudness or the biggest structure they've destroyed. Our love with simple and it was easy. It wasn't boring it was just perfectly us.

But then Jasper was attacked with a tidal wave of lust that completely transformed everything for him. And for us, for that matter. Because what happened in those woods was not the normal for us. But it was absolutely fucking fantastic.

The moment he decided we were a safe enough distance away from the civilized world he threw me against a tree. I heard it splinter and crack and promptly fall to the ground. In that moment I finally understood the trill that Rose and Emmett felt when they destroyed a house. Well, maybe not exactly. They took pleasure in the destruction of something. I just liked finally letting the inner animal take over. The feral look in Jasper's eyes as he pounced on me and entered me with a fierce passion... I will never forget that look. And from there is became indescribable. Our bodies moved so quickly I don't think a human would have been able to see more than a hazy flash of color if we went passed. What they could have heard though... that is again something that I don't think I could describe. We were loud and feral and sounded absurdly dangerous. But again, I loved every second of it.

We weren't satisfied with one fuck. Two didn't do it either. Jasper still felt the effects of Edward's attraction to the girl and it rolled off of his skin and onto mine in powerful waves. And he wasn't able get control of it until we finally climaxed for the fifteenth time. You have to love a vampire's infinite stamina. We rolled onto our sides and stared at each other. "Wow," I breathed softly cuddling into his chest.

"Wow," he answered me with a sly smile. "Remind me to thank Edward when we go home." We laid their basking in the wonderful afterglow of amazing sex, silent as we surveyed the damage we had caused. It was pretty extensive. Scattered over the mile radius we had covered there we several downed trees, some completely uprooted, others cracked in half and one that was nothing more than saw dust after Jasper tried an incredibly acrobatic trick using it as a prop. There was no wildlife to be found for miles. And most impressive was probably the deep trenches that we dug with nothing more than the friction of our moving bodies. It looked as if a tornado had hit the area. And we didn't look much better. We were covered in dirt from head to toe. Bits of rock, leaves, sticks and earth knotted into our hair. "This is going to be fun to explain, huh?" he asked as he tried in vain to brush some dirt from his chest.

"Don't worry, it all works out." I wink at him. Being able to plan for the future is so great.

"Do you ever get sick of knowing everything?" He rolled his eyes and jumped to his feet.

"Of course not! You know me better than that." He helped me to my feet and I take his hand and begin to run.

"The car is the other way," he reminded me as if all that fucking had left me senseless.

"We're not going to the car," I smiled. We ran, weaving through trees and I let my visions guide us carefully across the roads so we would remain undetected. I don't think he figured it out until it was almost to late. We had come to the edge of a steep cliff and jumped in tandem, landing in the ocean. Once we were completely submerged our hands were again all over each other. This time it was more in our typical style, a slow smoldering fire that still ended in amazing fireworks. But it was equally as amazing as the forest was. We never once surfaced. We allowed the currents of the ocean take us where it may because it didn't matter where we were or where we ended up as long as we were together.

XXXXX

When we returned home the house was quiet and almost dark. Emmett and Rose of course were in bed but there was no way they were going to one up us tonight. Carlisle was in his study continuing his research and study on the girl. Esme was running around the house spraying a diluted bleach solution over everything trying to rid the smell of the girl throughout the house to ease some of Edward's discomfort. Not that it would help she was sleeping in the bedroom right beside Edward's. And then there was Edward sitting in the wicker chair on the front patio of the house. Jasper could sense Edward's unease and sent him some happy cheer up vibes as a he kissed me and left me standing in front of Edward alone.

"Could you please reign in your thoughts," Edward pleaded with me. "As if it's not bad enough that I have to suffer from this embarrassing issue but now I understand that I've dragged you and Jasper into it as well."

"Don't worry," I laughed. "We're not complaining."

"Please stop," he begged. "You're not helping."

I settled in the chair beside his and tucked my feet under me. "Have you gone inside yet?"

"No," he sighed. "I'm afraid to go in without any back up."

"I told you that you won't hurt her. You've figured out what gets you so worked up now it's easier to control."

"In theory, I guess. But you saw how I reacted to the faintest hint of her scent. I was wild. I was feral. I attacked Esme for God's sake."

"You were unprepared. Now you know what to expect," I reassured him.

"I don't want to hurt her."

"I know that."

We sat in silence for a few minutes. "Has she been given a name?"

I shook my head. "No, Carlisle calls her Jane Doe. It's been functional for now."

"Bella," he said softly. "I think we should call her Bella."

My smile grew wide. This was a good sign. "I think that is absolutely perfect. Beautiful even." And with that our conversation turned. I asked him about his trip to Denali and made fun of him for breaking the steering wheel before even leaving the city. He cursed me for leaving her clothes in the car. He claimed they haven't helped him like I said they would but the fact that he is sitting here instead of having his way with her (both body and blood) was a clear sign that it did help him. "I think it's time for you to face the music. And please tell Esme to lay off the bleach."

"I'm not ready," Edward argued.

"Yes, you are." I grab his hand and try to force him to his feet. "I've seen it. We walk inside and cringe at how much it stinks. They leave you alone you play your piano and all is well."

"Until I see her," he shuddered at the very thought of it.

"We will worry about that in the morning when it comes. But trust me, it will work out. Carlisle and Emmett will be on Bella duty and I will help you. Though I think that I will leave you to your own devices when you need... to find your release."

"God Alice, do you have to watch everything?" Edward cringed as he got to his feet.

"It's not like I mean to. You told me to watch out for her and I had to make sure you wouldn't eat her and in the process I stumbled onto... never mind. It's perfectly natural. It's good to see you having sexual interest finally. I was beginning to worry."

"Do we have to discuss this?" I shrugged. It really wasn't a big deal. I could see his thoughts and he could read mine. There really weren't many secrets between the two of us. I walked in the house first and he followed. "It really does stink in here."

"I told you so." I stuck my tongue out at Edward. "Now please tell Esme that you can handle Bella's scent but not the bleach. This has to end. If this continues she's going to ruin everything including my new clothes!" I called over my shoulder but she continued to spray away.

The family didn't fawn over Edward. In fact no one acknowledged him at all for the moment allowing him to ease his way back in at a slow and steady pace. I sit beside Jasper on the couch. Edward rested on his piano bench and his fingers found the keys immediately. I listened to the tune I didn't recognize it immediately. It's not a famous piece. It's not one that he's composed. But I recognized the soft notes and searched my memory for it. A smile crept up on my face as I recalled a vision I had. He was on the piano bench with Bella sitting beside him. Her head rested on his left arm a look of amazed wonder on her face as she watched his fingers expertly pluck at the notes of this very song. His eyes didn't look at the keys, there is no need for him to, but instead he looked at her with a look of protective adoration and his eyes never traveled from her face. She met his gaze and they both smiled warmly. It's actually really sweet. Like a scene from a classic romantic film. Two people that just realized they have fallen madly in love with one another.

"Goddamn it!" Edward shouted, jumping up from his piano bench. Jasper's hand tightened around my arm and I could feel a ripple of lust shoot through me. Poor, Jazz. I'm sure everyone in the house felt that one. Rose and Em didn't mind, I'm sure. But I heard the bottle of bleach fall from Esme's hand just before she ran to find Carlisle. I hope the sex distracts them from asking Jasper what the hell that was for.

I suppressed my urge to strip Jasper and fuck him wildly, again, there were things that needed to be done first. I focused on the new vision that begins to unravel. Edward in the woods he ignored the animals that he passed as he ran faster than I have ever seen him run before. He ran to an unfamiliar place, a small clearing in the woods and collapses. His pants shred as he immediately grabs himself. I try to ignore the rest for both Edward's sake and mine. "Keep your fucking thoughts to yourself," he seethed as he glares at me.

Sorry, I thought as I watched him run out the back door to fulfill my latest vision.

Jasper's lips kissed my neck softly. "It's so strong I can't contain it," he explained, his hands roaming over my breasts. "It's worse than being near Rosalie and Emmett on their anniversary weekends," he mumbled through kisses. "Not that I should be complaining but it's so distracting. No one is ever going to be able to get anything done around here until he finds a way to..." I forced him to stop when I pressed my lips to his in a hungry kiss. We'll figure that out later. Right now I'm more worried about fucking my husband.


	5. 5: Under Every Scar There's a Battle

**Chapter 5**

**Under Every Scar There's a Battle I've Lost**

**-Carlisle-**

"24," she spoke, her voice soft yet sure.

"Correct," I reassured her with a smile.

It was astounding. She was astounding. In all my years, I have worked as a medical professional. I have worked with many different kinds of people. I have encountered many different types of disorders and diseases. But I have never actually witnessed something quite like this.

Her-Bella, as Edward has named her, Bella's first few days were rough. She was completely catatonic while I preformed my initial exam. As soon as Edward had left for Denali, Alice had told us, I pulled Bella into my study and carefully examined her. Of course, the signs of abuse were apparent. It was written all over her skin. There was mild bruising that I think most humans would have missed but my advanced eyesight brought all of her flaws to light. But the most apparent and disturbing were the scars. Most were faded to the point only one of my kind would be able to see. That is where my super senses are helpful, they allowed me greater access to her body.

She sat completely still and allowed me to undress her. I was careful to use my human speed to not spook her anymore than she already was. The scars were disturbing but mostly limited to her arms and legs. The rest were few and far between, scattered randomly. Her freshest wounds were shallow enough that they wouldn't leave much scarring, if any at all. They were not at all like the others, these wore most likely just scratches resulting from her trek through the woods to get to our house. I cleaned the wounds and dressed the ones that needed it. Her heart didn't race and her breathing never quickened even with my cold touch. She remained completely still almost as if she were sleeping through the entire process even though her eyes continued to stare blankly ahead.

As I continued with the examination there seemed to be no apparent head wound to cause her erratic behavior. She was slightly malnourished and moderately dehydrated. I readied a bag of Saline and as I was about to insert the needle into the crook of her arm I noticed a series of small scarring patterns. It started at the crease of her arm and seemed to follow down her arm along the braccial artery. Another small something the human eye wouldn't have noticed. I took a mental note for when I researched farther, I didn't immediately know what it meant, but I had seen similar patterns before in the chronically ill. I didn't know if it would offer much help in the quest to find out who she was, but it was worth a try.

"It won't help," Alice said as she walked in suddenly. "There is nothing there to find," she stared knowingly. "She's a ghost." How I envy the speed at which she gets her answers. "And I can't tell you what's wrong with her either. Mostly because all your searches turn up absolutely nothing."

"Can you tell me anything helpful at all?"

"That is helpful," she scoffed. "I've saved you a lot of time doing pointless searches. Or at least in theory I have, you will do the research anyway." She pouted.

I finished inserting the IV and drew a blood sample. Alice assisted me in the rest of the exam. There was no sign of sexual abuse. And aside from the scaring and dehydration there was nothing more to note about the girl. "Can you tell me how long she'll be catatonic for?" I questioned Alice.

Her eyes hooded with concentration before she shook her head. "Nothing clear. But the sedative you will give her will work like a charm."

And of course Alice was right on all counts. The blood work came back clear, no answers there. Her description turned up nothing so we had no leads on who she might be. Alice's visions continued to be cloudy when she searched the girls future. And the sedative I gave her lulled her into a peaceful and relaxing sleep.

When she woke the following morning there seemed to be little improvement. She continued to stare off into space until the door opened and Alice danced in. Bella's eyes tracked her every move. They showed no fear but stayed wide in a blank sort of amazement. It wouldn't seem like much to most people but it was a noticeable improvement and I was thrilled. At least she was acknowledging our presence and no longer catatonic. Alice sat on the bed beside the woman and smiled. "Hello," she spoke in a polite and even tone.

"Hello," Bella repeated. I did another quick exam of her with the same results as before. But now with her semi-cooperation it looked as if she retained most of her basic motor skills.

The rest of the exchange with Alice was limited but her progress since has been astounding. With Alice's help I was able to get her to and from the hospital nearly undetected to use their equipment. And of course, just as Alice had predicted, everything was normal. There was nothing wrong with her body or her brain. It was simply her mind that seemed to malfunction.

My diagnosis was difficult. I took a lot of time mulling it over and consulting with medical journals and other professionals before I finally said it out loud. Bella was in a dissociative fuge state. Her mind completely cleared itself and was being forced to start over. Technically everything was still there. All her knowledge and memories but for lack of better wording, they were just hiding.

I hadn't personally seen a case like Bella's. Not only is the condition rare (and fairly new by my standards) but it's not something that you ever get to see in emergency medicine, my favored practice. It made me question if I should try branching out my talents. I liked emergency medicine. My speed, heightened senses, through knowledge and quick mind made diagnosis fast and treatment simple. I was far more capable to save a life than anyone else. I thought that was where my talents were best suited. I would be able to save more lives that way. But maybe it was time to branch out and find new areas to master.

As Bella slept again that night I began my research. Of course I had spent a lot of my time studding the medical field, how else do you fill the long sleepless hours of the night? But the things I learned for her case was fascinating. There were three basic types of memory: sensory registry*(information to follow at the end), working memory**(information to follow at the end), and long-term memory***(information to follow at the end). And it seemed as if her long-term memory had been wiped clean but the rest would function with a little time and help. Or at least that was my hope and it seems to have been working thus far.

There were many conditions that were associated with memory loss. There was of course the standard amnesia that soap operas loved to over use. Those mostly occurred with head trauma, of which she had none so that was easy to eliminate. Second, it can very rarely be triggered by extreme stress and an already weakened and damaged mind. And lastly, the mind frequently shut itself down after physical, sexual or mental abuse to protect itself. Judging from her scarring, the last seemed likely. But more commonly associated with that if the abuse is long term (as her seemed to be because of the amount of scarring in various stages) the mind often created a new persona to help cope. Creating a case of Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known and Multiple personality disorder.

I paused from the research to think about what little I knew about the girl. She did show signs of physical abuse. Thankfully there was no evidence of sexual abuse. But the small pinprick scarring on her arm could be associated with IV's and blood draws that could be tied in to a severe illness (of which I found no proof but that doesn't mean there never was one) that could have caused high amounts of stress. At least I had a diagnosis to go on.

After that research was done I spent most of my time evaluating her and helping her. She was a blank slate. An empty garden and once we had planted a few seeds, she blossomed. She made amazing progress. Once she was shown something once she retained that knowledge. She was now talking in complete sentences and in rather perfect English. She was still child-like and often needed help in understanding basic things but at least the progress was there and she had come a very long way from that first night. We all took shifts working with her, well most of us. Alice loved spending time with her. And Emmett was easily amused by her. Jasper did his part from a distance, fearing his weakness for human blood. Rosalie refused to have any part in it and I let it slide, there is no point in arguing with her. Esme made a list of excuses but it all boiled down to not wanting to get to close and risk another Edward meltdown when he returned.

And he did return. It was a quick reunion before he bolted out the door awkwardly. But Alice assured us he would return. He spends more time out of the house than in the house since his return but at least things are getting back to normal.

Jasper and Edward had left together to hunt and Alice and I were both working with Bella. "You're math skills are remarkable," I applauded her.

"Thank you," she said politely.

I continued to quiz her with flashcards of an assorted variety. She was excellent with all of her basic knowledge. We started simple things her first few days. It was shapes and colors and numbers and after only a few cards it was like something deep inside her clicked and those basic fundamentals came flooding back. And as the days moved on more slowly came back to her. But it was just basic information. She never remembered anything about herself, never anything too personal. It was just basic facts. But at least she was mostly functional.

I watched Alice's eyes glaze over as she concentrated on a vision. "Let's try this," I said handing Bella a book. "See if you can read it."

She looked at me for a moment while she processed the information, even for a human she was slow. She finally pulled the book to her and opened. I listened to her read as carried a conversation with Alice in which the girl would not be able to see or hear. "What did you see?"

"Nothing," she growled. Her voice was full of frustration. "I can't see anything important anymore." She paused for a moment before she calmed. "I've tried everything I can think of and nothing has brought us any answers."

"It's frustrating not always knowing everything," I chuckle.

"Extremely," she agrees.

I refocused my attention to Bella. "Very good, Bella," I encourage her. "You read remarkably well."

"Thank you," she replied with a smile. "Should I continue?"

"Yes," I responded before resuming my hushed conversation with Alice. "What about Edward? What have you seen?"

She paused for a moment I could see her struggle with what she wanted to reveal. She often struggled with her abilities. How much about another person's life could she reveal or even look into before it was a gross invasion of privacy? "It's complicated. He's struggling. But he seems to be getting better."

"And your visions? What have you seen? Is he a threat?"

"No. Not at all. I have seen them interact many times in my visions. Nothing threatening at all. In fact they've all been sweet."

I raised an eyebrow to her. Sweet? "Anything else?"

"No," she released a heavy sigh. "Nothing on where she came from. Who had her. Who wants her. Who misses her. I can't see any of that. When I concentrate on her future all I see is..." she paused for a moment. "Edward."

"What about Edward? Is something wrong?" I could feel a slow rise of panic.

"No, nothing is wrong. Everything is going well. It's just that in my visions... they are always together like he is her future." I arched my brow again and waited for her to continue. "It's complicated." She concluded as her eyes glazed over in a vision. "Edward and Jasper are on their way home."

"I think that's enough for now," I say to Bella as I take the book from her. "Alice, why don't you get our guest comfortable?"

The ends of her mouth curled up into a smile. "You are looking bored. How about a walk outside?" Alice stands and takes Bella's hand.

"You've seen... We don't have anything to worry about today?"

"Relax, Carlisle," Alice's laugher pealed through the room. "I told you that everything will be alright." And with that the girls danced out of the room.

I returned to my desk and resumed my research. I knew it was all for nothing but I still had to try. I checked my Emails and found a bunch of responses to my inquiries about the girl. No one seemed to know her. I had been in contact with just about every police department in the state and was now widening my search. Even my underground more than slightly illegal contact knew nothing. And my computer hacking friends had used some advanced software to locater her through photographs and found nothing. In the social networking age we live in now I was amazed that we got no results that way. There had to be at least one photo of her somewhere on the internet, if not on a missing persons database then on some sort of social networking sight. What teenage girl wasn't? Bella could be the one and only.

I continued my research at my lightning fast speed, slowing down only for human conversations over the phone. And again all of my efforts turned up nothing. This was incredibly frustrating. I was beginning to feel human again. Fatigued with being over worked. I shut down my computer and sat still at my desk. I thought I could use that time to think but absolutely nothing came to mind. I was exhausted by this project. I had missed several days of work and all for nothing. I was no closer to being able to help Bella than the moment she stumbled into our yard. I rested my head in my hands and wished I was able to sleep and recover like the human I pretended to be.

I could hear the front door open as Edward and Jasper returned. And I again felt a sudden burst of lust ripple through my body. But I was too worn down to even think about sex.

"Fuck!" I heard Edward curse as he sprinted up the stairs and slammed his bedroom door behind him. I tried my best to block out the chorus of moans I heard from Emmett and Rosalie's room. This house had never been conventional by any means but since Bella's arrival things have just gotten out of hand. My office door opened and Esme smiled at me.

"I think you've worked enough for one day," she said softly as she crossed the room and came towards me.

I sighed heavily. "I know. But I still haven't gotten anywhere with this. It's almost like she doesn't exist."

"There is always tomorrow," Esme smiled as she sat on my lap. "You've been working too hard on this. And I've been spending all of my time worrying about Edward. We've both forgotten about ourselves. So what do you say? How about we go upstairs together?" She leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine. She quickly pulled away sensing my unease. She placed her hand delicately on my face and brought her forehead to mine. "You've been neglecting yourself, love. When was the last time you fed?"

I stopped to think about it. I hadn't even considered feeding while Bella was here there was too much to do. Hadn't I gone shortly before she got here? No, I guess it had been a while. "A few weeks." I shrugged.

She breathed in deeply and I could tell she wanted to yell at me but instead she bit her tongue. "First we hunt. Then we play." She smiled and placed another gentle kiss on my lips. She stood and pulled me to my feet. I caught a quick look at myself in the mirror. I couldn't argue with her. My eyes were black as night and sunken in.I did need to fed, that was painfully obvious. And the play time would be beneficial as well.

*The sensory register is where information that is in its original unprocessed form goes. Although the sensory register has a large capacity, it has a limited duration, which means that whatever information gets sent here is not going to stay for very long. In order to be remembered, the information must be moved to the working memory.

**The working memory is where most thinking is believed to occur. Working memory is where new information temporarily stays will it is being processed. Working memory has a limited capacity, so it doesn't hold very much information at a time. Attention is a vital part of the working memory. Obviously, one cannot remember something that is not paid attention to! Working memory has a subcategory called maintenance rehearsal. Maintenance rehearsal is when the act of repetition keeps the new information fresh in your mind. For example, at one point or another every one of us has said a phone number in our head over and over until we get to the phone to dial it. This repetition is called maintenance rehearsal. The repetition and rehearsal helps us maintain or remember the information.

***The third and final component of memory is long-term memory. Long-term memory has unlimited capacity, so you can never run out of room. Long-term memory has a relatively long duration, but the exact length of time is indefinite. It could be a day, or a week, all the way up to an entire lifetime. Long-term memory is facilitated when one connects new information to something he or she already knows. Information that is in long-term memory can weaken over time and may be forgotten if it is not used regularly.


	6. 6: I Don't Have A Choice, I Choose You

**Chapter 6**

**I Don't Have a Choice but I Still Choose You**

**-Edward-**

It is difficult to stay in the house for any amount of time. I become intoxicated by Bella's scent. Jasper reacts to my lust. The entire house reacts to Jasper's lust. And I have to either try to ignore the house full of horny vampires or race out to the woods and masturbate (because there is no way I can do that with my family listening... not the violent way I need to anyway). This is incredibly embarrassing. I'm over 100 years old, you'd think I could control my teenage hormones by now. This was pretty much the cycle for the first three days. I chose to test myself. Stay for one hour. Take one breath. Stay for three hours. Take in four breaths. Think of Bella but control yourself. It was a slow process but it's getting easier as each moment passes.

At night I lay in my bed. Alice has opened her mind and began searching her visions of Bella as she has done every night. This is the first time I am allowing myself to listen in. I could always see the images but I chose to ignore them, not paying attention to the images and sounds as they flew through my brain. The visions race through her mind at lightening speed as she tries to think of everything all at once. And as usual there isn't anything to help. Just a lot of little clips. No major reveal of the bad guys or information on her true identity. I watch with Alice seeing most of the visions for the first time. I am in a lot of them. And in none of them am I trying to drink her blood. And even more shocking I am not violently molesting her either. But in a large number of visions I am kissing Bella. One I am taking a defensive stance, attempting to protect her from some unforeseen evil. A few we are simply talking. I see some of her and Alice doing all those things that girls do to bond. There are several of Emmett teaching her inappropriate things for his own amusement. A lot of Carlisle examining her. More of me and Bella together. This time we are under the steaming hot waters of a shower completely undressed. I can see the perfect swell of her breast and point of her nipple. It makes me want to hunt her down this moment and touch her but the me of the vision just takes in the lovely sight with a perfect calm. I can see me carrying Bella on my back as I run near full vampire speed. There are some random clips of Bella doing random things. There are full conversations, Bella speaking to each and every member of my family. And finally Alice tries to concentrate on the evil that lurks in the shadows for Bella. But as usual all she can see are dark shadows. They move too quickly for us to get anything clear on them. It's as if they know about Alice and are constantly changing their mind to keep her out of theirs. And eventually Alice slowly quiets her mind having seen enough of the future.

I draw in a long breath. The venom pools in my mouth and I swallow it back. I feel the familiar wave of longing but I suppress it. I don't feel Jasper react to it. And the house remains quiet. Thank God. I finally did something right.

Alice barges into my room and sits beside me on the bed, a large smile on her face. Her thoughts immediately betray her. "I told you so!" She wraps her small arms around me in a hug.

I laugh and shrug her off. "Let's not get too excited. It was one breath. I'm no where near her and the house still smells too much like bleach for me to concentrate on much more than that."

"Oh please!" she shouts at me. "Give yourself some credit. This is huge."

Alice begins to shield her thoughts from me by translating her favorite books. "What?" I growl.

"I'm just doing what I was told. You asked me to keep my thoughts to myself." We sit in silence for a little longer. She continues to translate in her mind. "She's been asking about you, you know." That peaks my interest. "We've been telling a lot of stories. It seems to help her. She learns more that way." Alice rambles as she talks very quickly. "She is very curious about the brother she has never met. Especially when you came back. She hears the slamming doors and has sensed a change in the mood."

"I can't-"

"Yes you can!" She argues. "I've seen it. And I'm sure you have too."

"Your visions aren't always the most accurate," I remind her. "We were supposed to be entertaining a vampire. And here we are in a very strange predicament involving a very fragile human."

I didn't need Jasper's power to sense her anger at my comments. "You're ready. And yes, my visions may sometimes be flawed but not this time. Edward I can't tell you how many times I've looked at this moment. You can't keep hiding."

"I'm not going to hide forever. Just for the foreseeable future. I don't want to hurt her." She allows me another quick peak at one of her visions. Bella and I outside, smiling and holding hands. "Stop that. Your not going to change my mind."

She smirks as she walks to my doorway. "The future disagrees with you."

I lie in my bed again and allow my mind to wander. I go over all the information I have gathered on Bella and try to make sense of the situation. Hoping that in all the details I will be able to find something to help us discover her identity. Or find a way to help her. But of course if there was something we would have already found it. So instead I find myself thinking about Bella. I play all the visions Alice has shown me involving Bella. And oddly enough I am always right beside her. And there is no worry of me hurting her or losing control. Me playing the piano with her beside me. Bella sleeping, curled up against my chest. Us taking a walk. Playing video games together. Cooking. Holding hands. Lips gently brushing. The way her naked body glistened in the steam of the shower. Conversations I will have with Bella. That wide beautiful smile as she speaks. She has a confidant way of talking, of always being careful yet sure of what she says. Even if her mind is damaged. It was like watching her life unfold in fast forward. It was like watching a life we would have together. That we could have together if I wasn't so dangerously infatuated with her.

As if on cue Alice opens her mind again and floods my brain with more visions of me and Bella together. Most of them you would consider boring. Nothing more than simple conversations. But I hang on every word. I memorize the way her lips curl into a smile. The analyze the way her brow wrinkles when she is deep in thought. I hold onto the sound of her laughter. I try to imagine the heat of her lips as they move against mine. And suddenly I am hit my a realization. It isn't Bella's future that Alice keeps looking into this time. It is mine. If I stay on the course I am currently set on, Bella is my future. And I am more than a little terrified by that.

"Alice, stop," I whisper just loud enough for her to hear me.

"Sorry," I hear her apologize directly in my mind.

I continued to pour over thoughts of Bella until dawn breaks. And by then I have become aware of some very strange things. The bloodlust has mostly passed. And underneath the lust something else has boiled over that might help me through this. Though I have never personally met Bella, let alone been in the same room as her, I somehow seem to have fallen in love with her. All the visions that Alice has shared with me have shown me so much of her that I can't help but feel that they are more like memories we've already shared than moments that are still yet to come. I have seen them so many times. I have spent hours dwelling on them. I haven't met her or talked to her yet, but when we will it will leave me no choice in the matter. She is exactly the type of girl I have been waiting me met. Sweet. Gentle. Innocent. Loving. Forgiving. Now that I've seen my future, what do I do about it? Do I embrace it and hope for the best? Or do I walk away?

"Alice," I call out quietly.

She dances into my room almost instantly. She has seen this moment coming. "It's time?" She says it more like a question even though I'm sure she already knows how this conversation is going to go.

I nod slowly. "It's time. If you can guarantee-"

"Make up your mind right now and I will show you." She smiles widely. I take a deep breath and cement my thoughts and actions as Alice welcomes the vision of how my first meeting with Bella will go.

XXXXX

I descend the stairs with a newfound confidence. It's much easier to face your future when you've already seen it. My family sits around the rarely used dinning table, to say they all (except for Alice of course) wear shocked expressions is an understatement.

"Edward," Esme gasps and jumps from the table and runs into the kitchen. She returns with her bleach bottle.

"Esme, please," I frown at her. "Will you stop with the bleach."

"But..." She glances warily at Bella.

"You won't need that anymore. Please, sit." I motion to her chair and she reluctantly follows my direction. I take in my first breath in Bella's presence. I can feel the instinct take over and allow the venom to begin to flow making my throat burn, I easily ignore that. It takes me a little longer to ignore the slowly rising lust. But a few deep breaths later and I am left with a sort of calm. I'm sure it wouldn't have been possible if it were not for my sureness in Alice's vision. I look at Bella and study her. She is just like was in Alice's vision. The fresh wounds on her skin have healed leaving only her scaring that would hardly be visible to the normal human eye. Her long brown hair falling loosely in waves around her shoulders. Her brown eyes sparkling with innocence. Her cherry red lips curled into a sweet smile. I feel the tightness of the lust bubbling again and force myself to look away to regain control again. Thankfully it only takes a moment.

There is one seat open at the table, the one to the left of Bella. I ease myself into the seat and turn to her, a lopsided smirk playing on my face. If I were a human I would imagine this would be one of those moments I would say I had butterflies in my stomach. But the only thing in my stomach is the blood of a deer and any nerves I had before were squashed with Alice's vision. So far it has gone exactly as expected. I remain still for a moment deep in thought. I could hear the voices of my family members, all of them in disbelief of what I was doing, but still nothing from Bella. I focused on her and tried to block out everything but what I should be hearing from her. But there was still nothing but silence. It was wonderful. But it was also extreamly frustrating. Good thing I already knew how this conversation would go. But I can imagine that in the future it was going to get really annoying. "Hello," I say to her softly. "I'm Edward."

"Hello," she says, smiling in response. "I'm Bella. I've heard a lot about you. I'm glad that we've finally met. I was beginning to think that you were..." she pauses as she searches her small memory for the right words. "That you were avoiding me. That maybe you didn't like me."

I couldn't contain the laughter. "No, it's rather the opposite."

"Rosalie doesn't like me," she says matter-of-factly.

"I despise you," Rosalie spat.

"Rosalie!" Carlisle snaps.

Rosalie scowls. "I'm not going to lie to her. So if you'd rather I keep my opinion to myself don't force me to be here."

"Come on, babe," Emmett interrupts. "Can't you see the fun in this?"

"Emmett," Carlisle sighs. "This isn't a game."

Bella ignores the commotion surrounding her and continues her thinking. "Esme and Jasper don't like me either."

"Bella," Alice interrupts. "Remember, we talked about this."

"Yes, I know what you've _told _me but Emmett tough me about opinions. And I have formed my own opinion and that is that they don't like me. Rosalie doesn't like me and she doesn't spend any time with me. They don't spend any time with me either so they must also not like me. And you can't tell me I'm wrong. Emmett says opinions can't be wrong. It's simply how I chose to interpret the world. Did I get that right?" She turns to Emmett for approval.

"That's right, Bella." Emmett's laughter booms from him. "See, babe. It's fun." Rosalie scowls and quickly leaves the table, slamming doors behind her as she leaves.

There is a silence that falls over the table before Bella speaks again. "Your family speaks very highly of you," she says to me.

"And they of you." I look around the table Alice is smiling from ear to ear nearly vibrating with excitement as she bounces excitedly in her chair. Jasper looks a mix of confused and relieved. Everyone else is watching carefully waiting for me to jump at Bella's throat.

She turns away from me and takes another bite of cereal. "Will you be helping me with my lessons too?"

"Not today. I'm afraid I have some other things planned for the day but I hope to in the near future." She nods and returns to her cereal. "You have come a long way since you've joined our family."

Bella nods again. "Yes, Carlisle, Alice and Emmett have been very good teachers. And Carlisle says I'm an excellent student. Mostly because he says..." she pauses and wrinkles her brow as she thinks. "Something about the memories being there I just need to be reminded about something. I don't know. It's incredibly frustrating. If I already know it then why don't I _remember _it? It seems so easy for everyone else."

"With time it will become easier," I reassure her as much as myself. "And remember how much easier it has already gotten." The statements are true for the both of us.

Bella nods and finishes her last bite of cereal before placing her dirty dish in the sink. "Is it time for my lessons now, Carlisle?"

"Yes, let's go to my office today."

"It was wonderful to met you, Edward." She addresses me with a smile. "I hope to be seeing you more often now. I think there is potential for a friendship for us."

"I couldn't agree more." I smile at her as Carlisle leads her into his office.

"Oh, Edward," Esme gasps as she wraps her arms around me in a motherly sort of way. "It's so good to have you back. She doesn't bother you anymore?"

"It's difficult but I'm managing it." I pull myself away from Esme's embrace and look to Alice. "What's next?"

"Wouldn't it be more fun if you did this on your own?" She rolls her eyes at me.

"Not a chance. Let's go hunt. We have some things to discuss."

"Oh, but... You don't need some privacy?" She asks quietly.

"I think I'm over that." I give her a look and she understands. Her eyes frost over as she concentrates on a vision. It brings a smile to her face.

"Oh, thank God." Jasper smiles and lets out a heavy breath.

"What did I miss?" Emmett joins in.

"Alice, isn't it better if we not do this here?"

"Of course," she sighs and we immediately run out of the house together. And we don't stop running until we are deep into the forest. "So you're in love!" She yells pulling me into a hug.

"I don't know if you can call it love or not. It doesn't make sense. How do you fall in love with someone you haven't met?"

Alice smiles broadly. "I take all the credit. It's all because of me. You might not have had those moments with her yet but you will. You've fallen in love with what is to come. It's how I felt with Jasper. I loved him long before I ever met him. I kept having visions of him and with each one the more I saw of him the deeper I fell in love. It's easy to figure out what's to come when you've already seen it."

"So what comes next?"

"Haven't you seen enough?"

"I don't want to hurt her."

"Trust me. You can't. We've both seen enough to know that it is going to go well. So let's just leave a little to your imagination. We know where it's going now let's see how you get there. Let's hunt. I want to get back before it rains. I don't want to ruin this dress. And you don't want to miss your future."

"Now you're just teasing."

"Yes, I am," she says with a smile as she races past me and begins our hunt.


End file.
